Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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