are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
