For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
