she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
