holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
