I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
