hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
