I smell stomach acid.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
