That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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