He told me they were just razor bumps!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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