My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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