I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
