the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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