Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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