I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
