I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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