Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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