Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
