i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize