DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize