Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
