Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
