I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
