That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
