you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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