I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
