Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
