ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
