hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
