Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
