So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
