As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she pinky promised me she was 18
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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