Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Drake has all the answers
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
