We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
