dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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