Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
