my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
