just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
