thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
