My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
