Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
