After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize