I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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