If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
In America we eat man semen.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
