First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
