she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
