OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
