Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
