How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
