saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
