I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
