i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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