Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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