both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
