Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
