i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
