I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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