Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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