found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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