god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
