so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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