its not stalking. its research.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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