Barsexuality is the new black.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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