she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
