i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
