Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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