We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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