I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
