I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
