ugly people sure do ruin things
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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